Voice of Truth

In a few hours I will be on my way to Integrate in the Rockies with the little dynamo Jen Lee. My brain held a very long lists of reasons for me to not go. Tell me some, my husband asked. Well.........after a good 20 minutes of unleashing just the tip of the iceberg he said very calmly, " you need a retreat from you." Miraculously that landed in the swirly mess that was my mind and I said okay I'll go. And with that all the gremlins in the area descended. That was a week ago and as of this minute they haven't won the battle to keep me from going. Although when I peeked out my bedroom window this morning and the trees and ground were covered with snow I immediately thought the Eisenhower Tunnel would be closed, I couldn't make it into the mountains and oh well at least I had said yes but you can't fight Mother Nature. That all took place between 2 steps on my way to the bathroom. Sheez, I do need a retreat from me.

I have found amazing comfort and encouragement through many different blogs. This morning after I checked the weather, realized the Eisenhower Tunnel was indeed still open and that I would be packing my car soon I got really nervous. A few weeks ago I had the good fortune of wandering to Kindness Girl's blog and was instantly inspired. I'm not going to tell you much about her and her amazing projects and lovely way of being in the world because I would like you to experience her for yourself but suffice it to say when I'm scared I check out her latest blog and even when I'm not and I want to be reminded that good people are doing good things quietly and in their own special way. As I sipped my coffee and read her words I could feel my spirit lift. It turns out Kindness Girl is a wanderer too and she had a link to the very precious Jen Lemen. Jen is going through some big life changes and courageously shares her heart as well as her art in such a tender beautiful way that I had tears pouring down my face by the time I was done. I love brave women. I love how vulnerability births creativity. I love good friends that come to stand by your side to support you when your journey seems unbearable but they know somewhere deep inside you will find the strength to not only make it through but somehow manage to have a wee bit more of a shine to your smile when you do and they want to be there with you when that happens because some day you will gladly do it for them.
I'm terrified to go to Frisco today and spend the weekend with artists. I'm afraid that by the time I get there the gremlins may have eaten my brain. BUT, I know amazing new girlfriends will be greeting me at the door and will be rejoicing because each of us in our own way didn't let the gremlins win and we will celebrate together.
My life hasn't looked like my life for a long time now. I don't know my place in my family, in my world and sometimes even in my days. What hasn't changed is my faith in Divine Order. It wasn't an accident that I spent the day with Jen Lee in September at Squam Art Workshop or that she shared with me how she had once lived in the suburbs of Colorado with her husband and 2 small children and made a break for it and moved to Brooklyn and discovered her true calling, herself. She dropped an ember in my heart that day and it eventually fueled my curiosity about my own life. What am I doing? What is it I actually want to do? Where is my place? Do I have any gifts, any talents , any hidden anything?
This morning, I hope so. When I return on Sunday I hope I know so.

I'm weary of the old roles, perceptions and gremlins. I'm open to seeing what happens when I have a retreat from "me" and hopefully become acquainted with "ME."
For all the women who bless my life with your blogs, your wise words and your humor, thank you form the bottom of my heart.
And, to Mr. Moore who always supports me, I love you forever.
EnJoy,
Grace